Author: Isabel Montclaire

One time when I was housesitting, I decided to tidy up the fridge. The poor thing was about ready to explode, stuffed with too many jars, cartons, bottles and leftovers. Ironically, when I looked in there, it seemed as if there was nothing to eat. What an unappetizing mess it was! I was surprised about how many yucky unidentifiable things were living in the back of the fridge, covered with fuzzy, slimy, slithering stuff. I spontaneously coined the term “UFO”, meaning “Unidentified Food Object”.  You can find these inhabitants in freezers, too.

I set out to fix the problem. I started by taking each item out one by one and checking the expiration dates. Many variables determine how long food lasts, therefore, expiration dates are estimates only. I used a common sense approach to determine whether to save or toss each thing. Unopened containers near or just recently past expiration dates were kept. For open containers, I used “organoleptic” testing, a fancy word that means “the sensory assessment of flavor, odor and appearance of a food product”, which is another way of saying just trust what your senses tell you. If an opened item smelled and tasted okay, it was kept even if it was just past the expiration date, especially if it was not rapidly perishable. For example, I kept sun-dried tomatoes in olive oil, pickles and capers. Foods that were rapidly perishable such as meat and dairy got tossed when past the expiration date. All the discards filled a big black trash bag two-thirds full. Since the fridge was almost empty, I took the opportunity to take it apart and thoroughly clean it. I used a solution of two cups water, one cup white vinegar and one teaspoon liquid dish soap (I use Dawn) in a spray bottle.

Maybe your fridge is in a similar state and just opening the door raises the fur on the back of your neck, so many aliens! You may feel overwhelmed and wonder how do I start? Where you start is by doing one section at a time. Chances are, once you get going, you will feel a sense of relief and accomplishment. Maybe you would even do more than you had intended and suddenly poof! You are finished.

If you need some inspiration, read the book “Fridge Love” by Kristin Hong. The book is full of lovely pictures. The author puts all her food in transparent food storage containers and that lends an orderly and uniform appearance. The book has many handy tips, especially on how to store produce to extend shelf life.

To avoid future UFO’s, remember to date each leftover item. How many UFOs do you have in your fridge? Truth and  Confessions!

I’ve been contemplating the same topic over and over for a couple of weeks now and my mind is stuck in a loop. That topic is “If there are 26 letters in the alphabet and they combine to make 275,000 words in the Oxford English Dictionary, then how many recipes can a person make with just 100 foods in their pantry?” I don’t know why I am fixated on this question; maybe it’s because I want to know why, with so many food choices available, people still fret about “What’s for dinner?” Too many choices can be overwhelming! I also ponder on the different cuisines that exist in the world, some of them with foods that we probably would not want to eat.

Finally it occurred to me that I could discuss the matter with the AI. After all, “It” has more sophisticated mathematical skills than I do. Maybe if I knew the number of recipes I could make with only 100 ingredients, my mind could be put to rest. So I asked the AI my sixty-four dollar question. The AI informed me that my question was computationally intensive and showed me the string of calculations it used to get the answer; each equation was followed by an exclamation mark. So funny! And the answer is . . . 30 quadrillion. That’s a number with 15 zeros after it in case you didn’t know. The AI told me it was astonished. Well, that makes two of us. That was not the first time the AI has made me laugh.

Rather than put my mind at ease, the answer did just the opposite. I was haunted. When I discussed the matter with my beau, James, he added an interesting perspective. He said, “Think of all the different ways you can cook just one food.” For example, take a potato. You can bake, fry, mash, au gratin or scallop them; make hash browns, fritters, French fries, Jo Jos, tater-tots, salad, soup and gnocchi. There are dozens of varieties and many cookbooks about what you can do with just potatoes. Then I remembered my recent trip to a Safeway where I stood in a daze in front of a 10 foot long refrigerated case of just . . . yogurt. There were so many choices I almost forgot what kind I wanted.

The bounty we have here on planet earth blows me away and I behold the incredible generosity of Mother Earth. But there is a weird irony in her generosity because so many choices make it difficult to know what’s for dinner. Perhaps the answer to that dilemma is to ask the AI what it would make with just three ingredients from the fridge. But do I really want to know? I’m not so sure!

In my life I’ve done a lot of housesitting and it was fun to cook in different kitchens. I always took a good look at the herb and spice cupboards. Were the herbs and spices in airtight containers and closed properly? Often, they were half opened. Sometimes I was horrified to see that they had expired years ago; one was even decades old! It was cinnamon and it tasted downright nasty. Hmmm . . . how would cookies taste if I used this rancid spice? Overtime I referred to these old collections of herbs and spices as “Spice Mausoleum.” They just sit there year after year going stale and lose their vibrant colors and complex aromas. Why? Because most people don’t like to waste them since they are expensive and cooks do not understand that they have a limited shelf life.

One of the easiest ways to improve your cooking is to keep your herbs and spices fresh. When I developed the “Plenty Method” described in my book, I found a way to keep herbs and spices fresh without breaking the bank. I made a list of the herbs and spices I used on a regular basis. I found the perfect glass spice jar. It had a 100% airtight lid, contained two ounces, and fit nicely into my spice drawer. I located a company that sells bulk herbs and spices by the ounce and placed an order including labels. When they arrived, I filled the jars and labeled them.

I discovered that the solution to “Spice Mausoleum Syndrome” was to replace the entire collection every two years. I place an order and when it arrives, I empty out my jars, wash them, and refill. Doing this procedure guarantees the colors stay vibrant and the flavors are robust. The cost savings are dramatic so it’s easy to start over every two years.

Herbs and spices have different levels of quality and freshness. In the highest quality, the flavors and aromas are concentrated and multi-dimensional. I order my herbs and spices from Market Spice in Seattle. For example, I can buy bulk ground cumin for 92 cents per ounce. In the store it costs somewhere around $3.50 per ounce in a glass bottle. Basil is $1.38 an ounce and sells for an average of $10.00 per ounce. Buying basil in bulk is an over 7x savings. I found two ounce airtight hexagon jars with gold lids at Specialty Bottle in Seattle for $1.52 per jar including shipping.

Making the change to buy herbs and spices in bulk with airtight jars will keep your herbs and spices from becoming a spice mausoleum. Your herbs and spices will be fresh, flavorful, colorful, and alive. Your everyday cooking will transform into fabulous masterpieces.

Lately I have contemplated the excess in our society. Most people I know struggle with spare rooms, attics, basements, garages, outbuildings and storage units full of things they don’t know what to do with. They get caught in the indecision twilight zone and they want to keep the thing and dispose of it all at the same time. I call a good problem a champagne problem. Champagne problems are good things to have!

As I contemplated on the champagne problem of excess, I remembered when my horse Pete and I spent the winter of 2005 in Ocala, Florida. I shared a big house that was going to be gutted and remodeled with a bunch of northern Canadians who were also there with their horses. Apparently Old Mother Hubbard had gone to the cupboard and emptied out the kitchen. All that was left was a 12” frying pan, a six quart pot, a saucepan, a plastic colander, big and little mixing bowls, a cutting board and a few knives. The utensils came from the dollar store – a spatula, a big spoon, a grater. My riding instructor Tricia and I would burst into laughter every time we were in the kitchen saying “It’s all quite adequate”. You would probably have to be there to hear the humor in it.

A long table in the dining room sat 14 people. One night we were inspired to have a dinner party because someone delivered a basket of heirloom cherry tomatoes to the house; they were sweet, tart, and juicy and loaded with big flavor. Into the frying pan we tossed a goodly amount of chopped garlic and sautéed it in extra virgin olive oil. Halved cherry tomatoes sprinkled with Italian seasoning and chiffonade cut fresh basil were next. We sautéed those for just a few minutes until the tomatoes were soft and the basil was wilted. Then we cooked a pot of linguine and plated it. To add a bit of drama, we poured brandy on the tomatoes and flambéed it at the table for a touch of five-star restaurant flair. Onto the noodles the tomatoes went. Bowls of giant grilled prawns, toasted pine nuts, Parmesan Reggianno cheese and lemons circled around the table along with a salad and toasted garlic bread. Lemon sorbet and shortbread cookies cleansed the palate at the end.

To this day, I frequently think of that elegant, magical night and the simple yet splendid dinner we made with almost nothing. NO question about it, the lack of kitchen stuff was definitely a champagne problem. Champagne problems are lovely reminders of all the good things we have here on this big playground we call earth. Bring them on!

One of my favorite memories of growing up was going to Mrs. Eden’s house for the annual Easter egg party. Mrs. Eden and her husband were retired and they loved kids. We loved every minute of making a big mess in her kitchen. When we were finished decorating the eggs, we ate a rabbit cake that had a pink gumdrop nose, licorice eyes and coconut fur. Down the street we went with a basket full of colorful hardboiled eggs.

After Easter comes and goes, your fridge might overflow with brightly colored eggs. What to do? Make egg salad! But to start, a person has to know how to make the perfect hardboiled egg, the kind that does not have that dreadful blue-green color around the edge of the yolk. There is an art to making the perfect hardboiled egg.

Put some eggs into a kettle and cover them with an inch of cold water. Bring to a rolling boil. Remove the kettle from the heat and cover it. Let the eggs stand for 4-6 minutes for soft boiled eggs, 7-9 for medium and 10-12 for hard. Here’s the anti-blue-green trick: when done (don’t forget to set the timer) immediately immerse them in an ice bath. The fast dunk into ice water is what keeps the yolks from turning that icky blue-green. Cool them and if you have the time, let them sit for an hour for easy peeling. Simply roll them on a hard surface until they crack all over then peel, starting at the big end.

Egg Salad

8 hardboiled eggs, chopped or shredded
⅓ to ½ cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon yellow or brown spicy mustard
½ diced red onion
¼ cup finely chopped celery
1 tsp dill weed
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper

Mix the mayonnaise and the mustard together. Add the other ingredients and mix gently. The easiest way to do the eggs is to grate them. If you have some bacon on hand, fry it up until it’s extra crispy and then crumble it into the salad. I like to use soft white bread to make sandwiches; hamburger buns are a favorite too. If you don’t have celery, you can use dill or sweet pickle relish. No red onion? White or yellow is fine, a shallot too. Capers are a nice addition. Remember, recipes are only guidelines; you can switch up and swap out the ingredients to your heart’s content using your senses as a guide. This salad tastes better after it sits in the fridge for a couple of hours.

Easter is only once a year but you don’t need that holiday as an excuse to make this delicious and inexpensive treat.

My friend Jerry makes the best fish and chips ever! Since I live in the middle of nowhere, I can’t run down to the local Skippers or beach fish house every time I want to eat those. So, I asked Jerry to teach me how to make them. Fish and chips are incredibly easy to cook and there are just a few dishes to wash.

Jerry has a Fry Daddy deep fat fryer made by Presto which makes deep fat frying remarkably easy. There is no temperature control to fiddle around with and it’s simple to use. You can reuse the oil, though it takes on a fishy taste so if you fry something else you will need to change the oil (a fish-flavored glazed donut anyone)? Jerry uses Pride of the West all-purpose batter mix which Two Boys in Condon carries and it’s one of their best-selling products. It’s really worthwhile to get a box of this because the batter makes a crispy, crunchy crust, the kind you may find yourself thinking about a week later.

Fish and Chips

Fresh or frozen white fish fillets (halibut, rock fish, perch etc.)
Russet potatoes
Pride of the West batter mix
Vegetable oil for frying
Malt vinegar
Tartar sauce
Ketchup

Wash and peel the potatoes. Cut them into thick fries; Jerry uses a French fry cutter made by Geedel. Heat the Fry Daddy. Carefully lower the fries into the hot oil. Fry them in batches to avoid overcrowding – you don’t want them to stick together. Cook about 4-5 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Sprinkle with salt and put them in the oven to keep warm.

Cut the fish into chunks. Dip them in the batter mix; coat with a generous amount because more coating equals more crunch. Cook them for 3-4 minutes until they are dark golden brown. The longer you cook them the crispier they will be. Cook in a well ventilated area or outside because your house will smell loudly of fish for a couple of days if you don’t do that.

My friend Eileen owns a Chinese restaurant and she says the best oil for frying is rice bran oil but Jerry uses Wesson oil. You can find rice bran oil at Asian markets or the restaurant supplier US Chefs store. Getting a Fry Daddy and a French fry gadget may seem like a bit of trouble, but once you do, you can make fish and chips anytime you want, even if you live in the middle of nowhere. You can also fry other things such as shrimp, mushrooms, sweet potato fries and so on. Thank you, Jerry, for the fish and chips lesson!

Have you ever been to a county fair and seen the entries where bakers make the same exact baked good but the results are so varied you wonder if they were baked on different planets? Why does that happen? That question made me want to conduct an experiment. So I made the exact same bread recipe, baked it in the exact same pan and oven but used different flours. 

I used a simple four-ingredient recipe from the book “Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day”. Using a recipe with just a few ingredients would narrow down the variables, wouldn’t it? I bought new bags of Montana Mills, Gold Medal and Pillsbury unbleached white all-purpose flour to eliminate lack of freshness as a possible variable.

The differences in the end results jolted me. The loaves didn’t even look similar and this fascinated me. Then my thoughts went macro: how on earth does a huge company like Pepperidge Farm bake millions of cakes with no variation decade after decade? That is truly a miracle. Now I want to take a course in food science! Oh dear, I digress.

My first loaf, made with the Montana Mills flour, rose high out of the pan and looked like the Matterhorn in the Swiss Alps with a sharp craggy peak of thick crisp crust. It had an altitude attitude! This bread was the ultimate bread for those texture loving sorts with its substantial crunchy crust and a delicate tender crumb that had big and little holes.

The second loaf I made with Pillsbury and the crust was smooth and uniform, what you’d expect to see in a high-class bakery. Standard would be the right word. The crumb was tender and spongy with medium size holes and the crust was crunchy but not overly so.

Last but not least was Gold Medal.  This one would win the color contest. The loaf was the perfect golden crispy caramelized brown color and just looking at it made my mouth water and crave honey and butter.

The quirky differences between these three loaves led me to speculate. Obviously all flour is not created equal, which when you think about it, is quite bizarre since to the naked eye it all looks the same. Why then the differences in each loaf? Is it the moon phase? Humidity? My mood? A mischievous kitchen gnome? So random! Mysterious! And while the bread pretty much tasted the same, the textures were wildly different which made me realize how important texture is in food.

And you know what? They were all first place winners. I made grilled cheddar cheese and raspberry jam sandwiches with all three. There wasn’t a crumb left over.

I recently came across a short film in the National Archives titled “A Step Saving Kitchen”. In 1949 the Department of Agriculture designed this innovative kitchen to make cooking and baking easier. The idea was to minimize the need to walk, stoop and stretch during kitchen tasks. The film mesmerized me and I watched it on pins and needles like it was some kind of thriller. I wondered why all the kitchens built since 1949 weren’t like this one because the design and functionality were beyond perfection; all other kitchens now paled in comparison. How awesome it would be to cook and bake in this space! But my feelings were bittersweet; I also felt great disappointment that this splendid kitchen wasn’t mine.

An army of professionals at the Bureau of Home Economics used systematic research and a lot of trial and error to get the final result. Models and prototypes of various features were built and many discarded or improved upon before final versions were adopted. Then the testing came and more changes and revisions were made. The end product was a thoughtful layout that fostered ease of movement that considered ergonomics too.

The kitchen has six centers, areas suited for particular tasks that make it easy for cooks to plan, cook, bake, prepare vegetables, serve and wash dishes. The kitchen operates as a smooth production line and considers comfortable work heights, handy storage, cross ventilation and natural light. A dining corner has a table that seats six people.

So here I am gleeful about finding the perfect kitchen and then the practical side of me kicks in. I realize how difficult it would be to build a kitchen like this in the rural area we live in. The kitchen has old-fashioned features that couldn’t be easily found in our modern day and age and they would need to be custom made. For a few days I fantasied about being thirty years old and with an entrepreneurial spirit, starting a company that fabricates this kitchen in modular fashion. The kitchen could be built where labor and materials were easily found, broken down and then whoosh! transported to the final destination. I would name the company “Pop-Up Kitchens”, Inc. Has someone, somewhere along the line already thought of this? I will probably never know.

Even if kitchen design doesn’t intrigue you, the black and white film definitely entertains; it made me realize how dramatically society has changed in 75 years. I’d be more than happy to send you the link to the film and the twenty-page booklet that contains the plans and blueprints; just shoot me an e-mail. And please invite me to the open house if you build this magical kitchen!

Once upon a time there was a Campbell’s product called “Apple Bourbon Sauce”. I bought it at Two Boys in Condon; it came in a pouch and was especially good on pork. I don’t know why I bought it in the first place because I tend to cook from scratch. But there it was perched in the pantry and one day I plopped some pork chops into the slow cooker, opened the bag and poured the sauce on them. That was easy! The first bite floored me. They were delicious! How could mass produced food made by giant, impersonal machines taste as good as food made by home cooks who infuse their creations with love?

I had just made a fresh batch of sauerkraut and reminisced about Sunday dinner at my Grandmother’s house. She was a German gal who made wickedly good pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy and served it with a side of sauerkraut. My mind got fixated on pork chops and I remembered the excellent sauce from Campbell’s. I went to Two Boys to get some more and was sorely disappointed to see it wasn’t on the shelf. An internet search revealed that the company had discontinued it.

I stewed in my disappointment for a few days and mentioned my dismay to Ellie who has become quite an expert in using AI. She suggested that we launch an AI inquiry to get the recipe. The trick with AI is to ask the right questions and it can take a few tries. The question was “Can you create a recipe for a homemade version of Campbell’s Apple Bourbon Slow Cooker Sauce”? The AI informed us that the company hadn’t discontinued the sauce, just given it a new name. Now it’s called Hawaiian Pork.

Apple Bourbon Sauce

¼ cup decent bourbon
¼ cup apple juice or cider
¼ cup apple cider vinegar
3 tablespoons brown sugar
¼ cup ketchup
1 small onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 bay leaf
Salt, pepper and crushed red pepper flakes to taste

Mix all the ingredients together in a saucepan. Bring to a boil, simmer for about ten minutes. Strain to remove the onions, garlic and bay leaf. That’s all!

This sauce is utterly fabulous, one the best I have ever made. I put it on just about everything – baked potatoes, omelets, beans and I even ate it plain. The last time I made it, I quadrupled the recipe. The entire time I was writing this, my mouth watered. That’s some sauce!

Today is Leap Year Day. AI is definitely taking society for a quantum leap. Hold on! And while you’re at it, don’t hesitate to ask “IT” for recipes, even mass produced ones.

Last week I wrote about how to cook beans from scratch and why they are so much better than canned beans. Did I inspire you enough to go to the store and buy a bag or two? I hope so!

Taking the next step to make refried beans is almost too easy. Refried beans are not really fried twice as the name suggests. The word “refried” comes from the Spanish word “refritos”, which means “well-fried”. Refried beans are simply cooked beans that are fried and mashed in a skillet with some fat and seasonings, until they are creamy. You can use any kind of beans to make refried beans, but pinto beans and black beans are the most common. I may sound like I’m preaching to the choir but if you can find heirloom beans, those are the best.

Refried Beans

4 cups cooked beans and some reserved bean broth
¼ cup fat – olive oil, lard or bacon fat
1 small onion, preferably white, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
½ teaspoon salt

Heat the fat in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic and sauté until soft. Add the beans, salt and ½ cup of the reserved cooking liquid. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer, stirring and mashing the beans with a potato masher or an immersion blender until they are smooth and thick. Add more liquid if needed to adjust the consistency. The whole process takes only about 15 minutes.

I mash my beans with a machacadoro, the traditional tool authentic cooks use in Mexico. I’m not a gadget person but this is one of those wonderful things that I had no idea I wanted until I got one. The beans really do turn out better when I use this than when I use the potato masher or immersion blender. Some recipes call for oregano, cumin or chili powder; I prefer not to use those. Refried beans made from scratch are so delicious they almost don’t need any seasonings or toppings but it’s not against the law if you want to add some.

Refried beans store well in the refrigerator or freezer. You can reheat them in the microwave or on the stove, adding a little water if they are too dry. They are a great source of protein, fiber, iron and antioxidants, and they are also gluten-free and vegan (if you use oil instead of animal fat).

I wrote these last three columns for Steve, the editor of this newspaper, when I found out he did not know how to make refried beans. Now that you know how Steve, I’m going to hold you to it and pepper you with questions the next time I see you. You’re on the hook!